(Image by Ryan Marshall)
So far in my life I've only really had one close friend that's had a baby. But right now I have the pleasure of being pregnant at the same time as 4 of my good pals. They live in; France, Switzerland, London and Melbourne (and I don't live in any of those places!) Sometimes being so far makes me sad, but I guess with the internet it's easy to stay in touch. This morning the lovely Cass sent me this link, to photographer Ryan Marshall who did a series of pictures of his pregnant wife, Cole. The images and words are beautiful, but what really got me in the guts was his account of the birth. Here's a little excerpt:
"Cole had become steel, she was so determined, she was owning the moment, she would find the pain threshold with each contraction and plow right thru it. She found her spot in the tub, and planted herself, and you could hear her voice change, low tones controlling the hurt. You know how you can see a person in pain, and their body language is to pull their arms in and curl, and twist, and everything goes inward, and when they say "OUCH" it's yelled out in wimpy vowels and repeated over and over and wincing. Well Cole, was holding herself up and out, and when she would say "OUCH" it was forced out from her low low belly, like she was the one digging in and reaching down and making the pain. She wasn't letting it happen to her, she was hunting it down, grabbing it by the hair and dragging it out of her body. She was a fucking warrior, and I was so in awe of her, and so proud."
You can read the rest on his blog here. Without rambling on too much, this is how I feel about the birth of our little Baby Bear. I don't want to plan too much, worry about breathing techniques and pain distractions. My plan is to do what feels right at the time, listen to my body and face those contractions head on, let them come, rise and go. Sometimes people tell me I'm nuts, brave, whatever. Sometimes I get scared when they comment too much, but reading that birth story has given me that last bit of oomph I needed to keep positive about the experience. I don't know if I'll be that strong, but I'm going to try my best. And I guess that's all I can do.