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It's still raining here. Even worse today.

I have a hard time accepting this weather in Sydney. If I were in London (or Melbourne for that matter) I wouldn't even bat an eye-lid. I'd throw on some brightly coloured tights to cheer myself up, grab the umbrella and head out the door. But Sydney? C'mon! Sydney means sunshine!

So there's not much to tell at the moment. PB has been surfing like a maniac, apparently there was the best swell of the season yesterday so we went (along with thousands of other people) to check it out. BB is slowly discovering she has hands. We've even caught her checking them out a few times. She's getting pretty good at pulling on her clothes and smooshing my hair and face. And me? Well, I am teaching myself how to knit. I was very inspired to find out that Jennifer taught herself how to knit from this book, so I'm following suite. I ordered it last week along with some Debbie Bliss yarn and I'm on my way to making my first item – a baby scarf. Little BB certainly doesn't need any help with insulation around the chin and neck area, but I'm working through the book sequentially and this is the first project. So far so good. I'll keep you posted.

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Yesterday I went to a shopping mall (yikes) on the hunt for a pair of those new bonds pants that are sort of like a relaxed baggy but skinny leg trackie. My thinking was that they would be really comfy around the house, and if I had to duck out I could throw on a pair of chucks and still look kind of stylin'.

But they were sold out, everywhere. So I might have to venture to another shopping mall (double yikes) to continue my hunt.

I did however find a stash of My Little Golden Books for three dollars a pop and this rather snazzy speckled bonds tee shirt. PB also got 10 pairs of socks. (Because he makes all of his crispy and old really quickly... how do boys do this?) So all was not lost. A semi-successful mission. I'm gearing up for round two next week...

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It feels like it's been raining here forever. PB hates the rain. Hates it. I've never met a man with such a vehement discomfort of being wet whilst fully clothed.

We've mostly been snuggled up indoors, but started getting cabin fever so forced ourselves out of the house for some chai's and hot chocolates. Oh, and we did a lot of baking. (Hrm. PB did a lot of baking and I did a lot of eating...) We both showed no self-control for any before photos, and it goes without mentioning that the after ones weren't worth taking.

With this recent uptake of my sugar content I'm noticing that it's really time to cut back. I go to bed at midnight fully awake and wired. My mind is completely buzzing with everything I have done and have yet to do.

It's time to simplify, a little. I love blogging so much, but I've realised that all of a sudden my Google Reader has over 60 blogs in it. Is that a lot? It is for me. My mind works in pictures. I'm easily stimulated by images. To peruse over 60 blogs in the evening before bed is too much for me to handle right now.

This happens so easily, doesn't it? I'm with Fat Mum Slim, you're looking at one blog, and then you follow a link to another, and another, and all of a sudden you're like Alice falling down the rabbit hole.

I'm still going to keep posting, but if I don't get around to my favourite blogs regularly or reply to comments then please know it's not because I don't appreciate them. I love receiving and reading all the comments you leave here, it absolutely makes my day. I don't take anything for granted. I like to reply and look at your blogs, but at the moment I'm falling down the rabbit hole of pretty pictures and my poor head is in a mess, so it's time to breathe and relax.

And this has turned out to be another rather serious post. Whoops! This time I am sorry. I hope you all have fabulous weekends and I'll return next week with something a bit more light-hearted.

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Thank you so much to everyone for your emails and comments regarding my last post. I was overwhelmed to see so many of you share your opinions on this topic. I was also touched by how many of you introduced yourselves, it's so nice to get to know some of the people that read this space.

I also want to let you know, that these feelings were not a result of anything that has happened here. Or anywhere, for that matter. I guess they are a natural expansion of these new protective emotions I am experiencing the first time as a result of becoming a mother.

I worry if anything were to happen to me, who would carry her over their shoulder exactly how she likes? I worry about the first time she goes to school. I worry about her first broken heart. I worry about her first grazed knee. And then, my mind wanders and I worry about worse things.

Generally, I am not a fearful person. I have lived in dodgy parts of London feeling completely at ease. Other than this blog (and an occasional Etsy buy) I live in a mostly analogue world. I go to the bank. I buy CD's and books in a shop. I prefer to call people than email or text. Heck, we don't even have a television. (We listen to the radio!)  I like to believe that there is mostly good in this world. But of course there are creepy people, too. Online and in real life.

So far, this blog has bought me nothing but joy and good things. I have even made some real life friends out of it. For the time being, I am going to continue this space. Perhaps I will be more careful about what I share, but I know I will do what I feel comfortable with. We have some exciting projects coming up that I really want to share here too. There are good things happening.

But now I'm off to enjoy our weekend. As much as I can with this rain.

Pink iPhone pictures from yesterday's walk. Those Brogues are my favourite shoes in the world.

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The last couple of days I've been having doubts about this blog.

Last year I started this space to keep my friends overseas and interstate updated on my new life in Sydney.

Since then, it's grown and I've had the blessing of meeting like-minded people all around the world. Reading blogs inspires me so much and I love the thought that sometimes I may inspire others, too. I love reading all of your comments. I get so much joy and support from the words of people I have never met, but feel connected to in some way.

Initially when I realised that there were more people reading this than just my family and friends, I felt nervous about some of my posts. Are they blog worthy? Will people find them boring? Will they think I'm silly for posting certain things? I told myself that I wouldn't worry about this and that I would always keep the blog honest, true and (mainly) positive.

But lately other thoughts about blogging have crept into my mind. Bad ones. Is it safe to post pictures of my child on the internet? Am I not discreet enough about our location? I know that everyone that reads this is a good and honest person, but I also know that there must be some weirdo's out there and the thought of them looking at my little girl makes me sick. I can't even continue that train of thought. PB pointed out to me that there are weirdo's in real life too, and you can't live life being afraid. This is true, but if anything bad ever happened, I would never ever forgive myself.

This post is grim, I know. But I can't apologise because I promised I would be true and honest, and I don't think I could write anything else without sharing this first.

iPhone pictures from this morning's walk. No matter how often I see them I love a good shoe photo. 

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{this moment} – A Friday ritual. A single photo – no words – capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. – SouleMama

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Whilst everyone's weekend is about to begin, ours is over. But it was the best weekend we've had in ages. Full of firsts.

For the first time since BB's birth...

...I took the buggy out all my myself.

...we had people over for dinner. A real dinner party.

...we went out for dinner. To a restaurant. To meet some friends. In the evening.

...I baked something by myself. Without even asking PB for help every five minutes.

...I left the house without her. Down the street for a swim. We usually go all together but it was wet outside and she was having so much fun playing with her dad. So I ducked out for 30 minutes. It was hard to leave. But it was nice to give them some time alone together.

...I had a sleep in for an hour while PB got up to play with her. He even gave up a morning surf to do this for me. I spread out like the biggest starfish and slept across the whole bed.

...we watched a video. Wait, two video's! (Dumbo – good, and An Education – bad).

And not a first but something fun none-the-less, I put my wellies on and splashed through puddles and Autumn leaves.

I hope you all have a lovely weekend. Maybe even one containing a first for you. xx 

Photos: 1. Chocolate cobbler 2. The underground carpark on the way to dinner 3. Sleeping on Granpy wearing her fabulous new hat from VictoriaOC (the Rose jumper has also arrived! Picture soon...)

PS. I found the link to the Chocolate Cobbler via a blog I recently discovered – I can't remember which one so if it was yours then please let me know! 

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This morning I experienced another first as a new mama. I took the buggy out ALL BY MYSELF. My back has been a bit sore lately so I thought I'd give it a try. We haven't had great success with the buggy, it usually results in PB pushing it whilst I walk alongside carrying the babe in my arms. (And feeling quite embarrassed...) But someone suggested the other day that I prop BB up a little so she can see out, after all she is a little sticky-beak.

We rugged up and headed out to Mother's Group. The buggy ride was great! Mother's Group not so much. I mean, it's okay. I suppose we are attachment parenting, when I think about it, so the class isn't that relevant to how we roll. The women are nice. Some of them are even really lovely. But I haven't naturally clicked with anyone and this whole forced friendship thing makes me feel a bit weird.

If I don't make that life long friend at Mother's Group that I keep hearing about, that's ok. Somehow over the couple of months I've met some more cool ladies around my area, so I'm not feeling that lonely in this new city anymore.

PS. Sorry, another iPhone photo. Not too bad I think!

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Yesterday we went for a decadent little treat. (Notice a theme for this weekend?)

We picked up our lovely friend Tessa on the way (who is now 37 weeks pregnant!) and headed to Coco of Kirribilli for some hot chocolates. We left with a block of pinenut, caramel and sea salt chocolate, and some 100% cocoa which I am going to use to bake a chocolate dessert with tomorrow.

I tried to take a Before photo, but there was just no time...

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We've been eating these macaroons, handmade by our super talented mate Freya. They are as good as they look... and more. (There was also a pistachio and chocolate one, with hand ground nuts... oh my.)

I once got a box of about 20 macaroons from the Ladurée in Paris, and I ate them that same day in one clean sweep. I kid you not. It was delicious.

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I feel very honoured to say that  our little DIY wedding has been featured on Snippet & Ink. We were engaged for about 3 months, and the majority of the day was planned in under 6 weeks! We kept it really simple and a bit crappy, but we had a really fun day.

Have a look here if you like!

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It's getting colder here!

BB says stay warm and toasty with your favourite cardi and socks on your hands.

(Why does the littlest person take up the most room in bed?)

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For the last couple of weeks we have been singing and dancing around the house to the Dumbo soundtrack. The other night over dinner we were talking about the scene where the mother gets taken away to confinement and poor little Dumbo goes to visit her. The thought of a mother being separated from her child (even a fictional animated elephant) was enough to make me cry.

We rented and watched it last night. And yes, I sobbed all through that scene. 

Also, PB knew the words to the whole film. The whole film. How did we get married without me knowing this?

Before BB's arrival I was never clucky, but since giving birth I have become a total basket case when it come to babies and children. Although I'm pretty sure I always cried through that scene. How could you not? Try for yourself.

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Today. Indoors and out.

I've started reading to BB. Books are so important to us, I hope she loves them too.  I was given this book by my Polish language teacher when I was 6. It's about a teddy bear who wants to be a real bear. I think I could read it better back then than I can now. It's one of my favourites for the illustrations, I'll try and post some more up another time.

For now she's content to sit in my lap and listen. I'm not sure exactly what she sees. Soon she'll be grabbing the book and trying to eat it, so I'm enjoying this quiet time while it's here.

Hope you all had a lovely weekend. x

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{this moment} – A Friday ritual. A single photo – no words – capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. – SouleMama

This week I'm bending the rules a bit. I've included two photos, and words.

These were taken earlier today with my iPhone. My view looking up, and down.

Every evening at about 5pm, BB gets a little bit grumpy. I've found the best was to settle her is to pop her in a sling and head out for a stroll. She looks wide-eyed at the world until slowly but surely those peepers begin to close. I cherish these walks, I love looking down and watching her sleep and listening to her sounds. My favourite one at the moment is three quick breaths in (sniffs?) followed immediately by a loud, grunty sigh. 

I want to remember baby-wearing for ever. I can't believe one day she'll be to big for this. I'm making the most of every second while I can still have her bundled close and still.

PS. Unfortunately no, I didn't knit the blanket in the post below. I bought it at a little Op Shop, it was made by the nana's of the local church. I love it, I've lugged it around the world with me!

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From the bottom of my heart, thank you all so much for the comments and emails on yesterday's post. I have read and re-read them many times this evening and I'm so touched at all the beautiful and supportive things you've written. Hearing all of this from other mama's helps so much. I know it will get easier. It already is, slowly. It's still such early days for us.

Today we tried again. This time I had a secret weapon. Papa Bear. Things are much easier when you have a Papa Bear with you. Picnics even involve food. And when BB started to grizzle he simply flipped her onto her tummy. (Why didn't I think of that?) She was dubious to begin with, but started to enjoy it after a little while. Even with those cheeks weighing her little head down. Life can be tough with such heavy cheeks to cart around all day.

PS. Sorry for including three pics of BB. I'm really not one of those mums that is all Look How Cute My Baby Is, but it's late and I couldn't decide which one to use. And they are kinda cute.

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Remember our little trip to the oval not that long ago?

Well, I thought I'd venture out all by myself today. It was such a gorgeous day it seemed a waste sitting indoors. I had done it once with PB so was feeling confident. I mean, it's about a two minute walk from our house. It can't be that hard. Right? Right?

I packed up a blanket and my new copy of Lula and was ready to go. On the way BB fell asleep in the sling. Not uncommon. I found a nice patch of grass in dappled sunlight, with a group of mums behind me on one side and angsty teenagers on the other.

BB woke to being placed on the blanket and was NOT happy. I held her over my shoulder and she continued to grizzle. She had been fed not that long ago but I thought I'd give the boobie a try. It worked for about 3 minutes until she pulled off and I sprayed milk everywhere. Slightly embarrassed I tucked the boobie away and cleaned us up. I tried again twice with the same result and then gave up on that plan. The teenagers behind me giggled at my failed attempts. Ok, they probably didn't even notice me sitting there but that's what it felt like at the time. A cute little tot ran up beside me and was quickly whisked away by his apologetic mum. I wanted to leave but felt a bit stupid considering I had only been there all of about 10 minutes, so I sucked it up. After a while I could hear the ladies behind me rounding up their kidlets. Right, I thought, I'll wait for them to go and then I'll leave.

I don't really know why I cared so much. Everyone must have their moments of unsettled children but for some reason, this afternoon left me feeling a bit sad. Which is silly, I know.

Maybe I'll try again tomorrow.

PS. I was interviewed for Week O'Mamas at the legendary Mama Mogantosh. Have a read here if you like!

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For my very first Mother's Day PB surprised me with some flowers (fancy local ones) and chocolates (fancy local ones, which I ate in one clean sweep) and BB's first painting!

Last week I had been joking that I can't wait to see the handmade card BB is going to make me for Mother's Day. So when I was given this there was not much I could do to stop myself from getting all teary and emotional.

Upon handing over the artwork, PB said he went to the toy store and got non-toxic paint that would be safe to use, as he knew that my initial thought would be all You Put My Baby's Hand In Paint?! (Actually, I was wondering that morning why on earth she had green under her nails...)

They very sneakily did this masterpiece while I was having a quick swim down the road. We all walked down together, I went in to do a few laps and I thought they were just waiting outside. Instead they hightailed it home for a speedy art class. Apparently BB didn't enjoy it very much. I think you can see that in her work. It looks angry.

I love my little family so much. Thanks team, you're the best. xxx

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Because I am a total nuffy* I forgot one of the most important mama's on yesterday's post. And she happens to be one of my best friends. Ooops!

The lovely Cassandra Allen, who bakes, crochets and illustrates (jealous, much?) has just become a brand new mama to her Little Bean. Isn't he just the sweetest?

Happy Mother's Day Cass – I miss you so much lady. xxx

* The pinnacle of jelly brain last week – I walked into the men's change rooms at the swim centre. I didn't even check (although I did think it smelt funny in there...) I was half way through getting undressed when a man came in and politely pointed out that perhaps I should be next door. I'm not sure who was more embarrassed, or surprised!

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Happy Mother's Day beautiful mama's!

I hope your little one's shower you with smiles and cuddles and hand-made cards. I hope your big ones go out and get you some flowers and chocolates. I hope you all have a delicious day with the people you love.

A little while ago I was passed on a Beautiful Blogger Award by the lovely Checks and Spots, and now have to pass it on to bloggers that inspire me, so I thought I'd save it for a Mother's Day special. There are so many amazing mama's out there, but these are a few that I've had the privilege of connecting with and that continue to inspire me.

Leigh from Marvelous Kiddo whose birth story inspired me to have a home birth, and for being a passionate and beautiful mama.

Jodi from Che and Fidel for her support during the last part of my pregnancy and her love of a beautiful down to earth life.

Pottymouthmama who is possibly the coolest chick in the blog world, and an all round funny and fantastic lady.

The ladies at Two Tuesdays who've I've gotten to know better over the last few weeks and are two of the kindest ladies around. You gals rock!

Hayley from Little Pinwheel for writing such beautiful and honest posts. And for always smiling no matter what life throws her way. (And running this shop which would be my dream!)

Mama Mogantosh who always makes me laugh (and almost pee my pants) about tales of her two gorgeous little tots.

Nath from le petit oiseau for being a lovely and kind mama, and making the best colour collections!

Chantelle from Fat Mum Slim whose pictures and words always warm my heart. 

Kristi from Giggles Down Under for her beautiful photos and words of her two nature loving boys.

Lady Bird from Maggie and Sparrow who makes the most beautiful baby quilts – and she's expecting the newest member of their family soon!

Joanna from A Cup of Jo who is an absolutely lovely lady and mama to be! (And also by popping my pregnant belly on her blog helped me meet so many amazing people on here.)

These are just a few of the mama's that inspire me. There are so many more. You're all amazing. Thank you.

Pass on the award to people that inspire you, if you like. xxx


PS. I got THE BEST Mother's Day gift this evening, I'll tell you all about it tomorrow!

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I stumbled across this pic at my new favourite place for inspiration, 16 house. How beautiful is this family? I wonder if they are dressed up to go somewhere or this is their everyday wear? 

PS. A couple of you asked where my nappy bag is from. It's actually a mens bag by UK designer Ally Capellino. I used to tote everything around in it when I lived in London and now it's serving BB and I well as a nappy bag! (Is it just me or are 'real' nappy bags just a bit ugly?)


EDIT: This couple is actually photographer Charles Thompson and his textile designer wife Olya. They have since had a son and live in a spectacular apartment in Brooklyn (not to my taste but still pretty amazing...) Thanks Jodi for finding this out for me!

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{this moment} – A Friday ritual. A single photo – no words – capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. – SouleMama

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I was recently interviewed  for this awesome blog, run by Natalie who is the deputy editor of Real Living magazine. Read more here, if you feel like it!

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This morning we took ourselves off to Mothers Group. I was running a bit late but never to late for a quick happy snap. We opted for a cheesy first day of school type photo, standing on the street with oversized school nappy bag in tow.

When we arrived I was a little bit overwhelmed at the amount of people in the group... 25. 

25 mums, 25 babies, 23 prams (two of us had slings) and as PB very eagerly pointed out – 50 boobs. (Um, thanks PB). Apparently there has been a huge baby boom in our area. What else was there to do last winter?

And you know what? It was ok. It wasn't amazing but I'll go again. The mums were friendly, and although I didn't really hit it off with anyone straight away I didn't expect to on the first day. And as Kristi pointed out, I can learn more from people that aren't like me than I can from people that are. Perhaps that's true. But they're mums. And I'm a mum. We all have that in common...

It's a good starting point.

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Baby Bear is 2 months old today! To celebrate she debuted her new cardigan with some sensational cheeks.
And why have only one chin when you can have two?

* Sorry, I took the photo with my iPhone so it's not the best quality.