Co-sleeping with a newborn left me a little smug about not having to get out of bed at night to breast feed. But with an almost toddler that resembles nothing less than a sleeping star fish I've been feeling the occasional pang of jealousy when I hear about babes that slumber through the night in their cots.
A few weeks ago I got myself in a tizzy about this, furiously researched sleep on Google – while PB bore silent witness – then gently reminded myself that I actually love cuddling up with BB at night and it's All Good.
This morning I got one of those Your Baby Is 50 Weeks Old, This Is What She Should Be Doing emails and down the bottom was a section on sleep. It basically said if you feed, pat or rock your baby to sleep, it is not only a problem but also a burden. Be freed from this burden and break these bad habits! Don't be fooled by her tactics!
Tactics? At the ripe old age of 1 they're pretty tricky. Who is this cunning babe that dares contest her bedtime?
What about an email saying sleep is always going to be an issue during childhood, so try and remind yourself that feeling frustrated about it won't last forever. It's ok to rock or feed to sleep if it works for you, and for some babies now matter how softly you play bedtime music it will still only mean one thing. Disco.
Photos: Documenting the state of our bed when I attempt to get in it.
love it!
ReplyDeletewe co-sleep and it's great, even when it's not. this time when they want to is the blink of an eye.
someday, they'll move out!
I had to laugh because I did the same thing last week. We have a 1 year old that loves co- sleeping so I too looked up methods to move her out. To no avail, she is still in our bed. The pic of your baby sideways is our typical night. But we just assume she will want her own space eventually:)
ReplyDeletegreat photos!
ReplyDeleteI´m expecting my boy´s arrival any day now and am planning on co-sleeping. we´ll see how it goes. your bed looks great. ;)
Go Anna. Loved the disco comment at the end of the post. I say snuggle that little munchkin as much as you can before she becomes big and independant.
ReplyDeleteKisses
x.c
this is the cutest/most heartwarming post you've ever had. your little family is just adorable!
ReplyDeletei needed to hear that.. my little guy isnt sleeping so great and it's really getting to me because of what all the books says, all the sleep experts... you shouldn't rock baby to sleep, you shouldnt let them fall asleep at the boob, etc... I feel like its MY FAULT that he isnt sleeping great. It has really been messing with my confidence though this! I need to go easy on myself and do what works for us... not compare to others AND i need to stop reading these books... sigh.
ReplyDeletehaha, BB sleeps just like I do! My huge fiance smooshes to one side against the wall and I flail about taking up 80% of the bed! These pics are to precious, especially the one where she's grasping his arm.
ReplyDeleteYour photo's bring back memories... My daughter co slept with me until she was 4 (It was just the two of us). I usually nursed her to sleep & before naps. Many people told me how I had ruined her sleep patterns etc. and that she would never sleep in her own bed. Well I'm happy to say that she loved getting her own bed and has slept like an angel ever since.
ReplyDeleteThese are the most wonderful photos, thank you for sharing them. I needed a smile.
ReplyDeleteI had wanted to co-sleep but with two babies there just wasn't room. We snuggle all up together in the mornings though and I love it.
And hell yes to doing what it takes to get some sleep. I HATE those 'you should/need/better be doing x/y/z by this point' emails and books and comments. I will be sailing along quite happily then read that because I'm cuddling Amelia to sleep I'm doomed and find myself, like you, panicking and googling and stressing until I realise that actually, it's all fine and the only thing that is a problem is the opinion of someone who *isn't* raising my babies.
Thank you anna, I needed to read this post. I am in the same boat and have been feeling helpless and hopeless in getting my little man to sleep in his own cot for longer than a few hours. Whenever I have researched sleep I am always left in a cold sweat and feeling terrible. I know that one night he wil sleep through the night. It is so good to know that I am not alone, thank you for this post and for all other like minded comments, they are much needed. Beth xx
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel. My daughter (also a Rosie) is 7 months old. We don't co-sleep, but I still breastfeed her to sleep at night and for every nap. Everyone makes me feel like crap about it (especially those inane emails). But you know what? It works. It puts her to sleep in less than 10 minutes, an then I can sleep. The only "problem" is no one else can get her to sleep, because I have the goods. Ho hum. I say do what works for you.
ReplyDeleteWe co-sleep and my little man is only four months but I dread the day we actually try to put him in his crib. I think there are many sleepless nights in store. I do love the cuddles we have, and right now I wouldn't change a thing! After-all we are all getting sleep and that is a precious commodity.
ReplyDeleteAnna, I love visiting this place. Hang in there because it gets easier and then it gets different. Getting your toddler to stay in their bed is a whole different game! Looks like you're having fun, and that's the trick to mastery!
ReplyDeleteTender moments, that's what's important and what it's all about...sigh...I am a 51 year old almost empty nester and I would give anything to have that time again, when my 3 girls were little. I adored that time. Cherish it while you have it and gently, sweetly, tuck it away into your heart so that years from now when your babies are all grown and on their own, you can pull the sweetness from the treasure chest, your heart.
ReplyDeleteSuch cute pictures. Like, seriously cute. Who wouldn't want to cuddle her all night? xx
ReplyDeleteps. Your a totally awesome Mama. Awesome x
totally true.
ReplyDeletegorgeous pictures. i love those little feed when they kick my belly. such a cozy family feeling.
wish people wouldn`t try to give parents a guilty feeling about it...
And what about a reminder that with every passing day we're closer to the time that they will fall asleep on their own in their own bed, won't want a kiss hello or goodbye in front of their friends or will cringe with every word you say just because you're their mum & you're very uncool. I believe that you should do what feels right for you. Enjoy this time, in the grand scheme it's SO short.
ReplyDeleteMilo is just 6 months, we don't co-sleep, but he is as close as can be in his cradle. I should move him to his cot in his own room, but can't bring myself to do it. So much so I'm considering bringing him in to our bed for a few months... until it feels right to try and get him to sleep in his own room.
You're ace Anna, you really are. Great photos and the best words. Wonderful.
ReplyDeleteOh my freaking god, that photo of BB linking arms with her Dada is absurdly sweet. We don't co sleep but it sounds/looks just beautiful. I reckon we all just do what works for our family and if it works, it's right. xx
ReplyDeleteStart your own weekly mumma email. Your reminders would be so much more useful.
ReplyDeletePinky McKay's 'Sleeping Like A Baby' is in a similar vain.
BTW where are your triangle pillowslips from?
we slept with both our two babes and they both sleep like gems in their own beds now. on occasion i wake up with four. don't worry about it.
ReplyDeletei have a little one, gigi, who is a month younger than BB. we co-slept with her until a week ago. i loved cuddling up with her at night and cried at the thought of her being out of my reach. she was nursing 3-4 times a night and i was really tired. we also had been bouncing her to sleep on a yoga ball since she was born. now that she is bigger our backs just couldn't take it anymore.
ReplyDeletei read some books, Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child, and the No-Cry Sleep Solution, and made a plan. i decided that there would probably be a few tears as she figured out how to fall asleep on her own in a different bed. i decided i would read stories, nurse her, and put her in her crib sleepy but awake. i would only let her cry for 10 minutes and then repeat the whole process.
i was really dreading the transition. i didn't want her to cry, but i couldn't keep going the way things were. last week we made the change. the first night she cried about 10 minutes then fell asleep and only woke once to nurse! the next night she cried maybe two minutes and slept 9 hours straight. a week later and she fusses a bit until i leave the room, then she goes to sleep and sleeps straight for 10-11 hours. totally amazing. she night weaned herself. i think i must have been waking her up when she was sleeping with me.
i'm not writing this to tell you that you're doing something wrong. keep doing whatever you feel is best. i just want you to know that if/when you do decide to make a change it might not be as hard as you think it will be.
She's so cute, how could you not cuddle with her? Silly email!
ReplyDeleteIt's impossible to be cross with a kid when they look like that...so freaking gorgeous!!
ReplyDeleteThank you for this post! I too fell into the google trap this week with regard to my 4 month old. You'd think I'd know better being second time round but no, I think second guessing yourself is human nature.
ReplyDeletemy son is three month old, we made an ikea bed into a kind of balcony, so that he sleeps in his own bed, but i don't have to get up at night to breastfeed. but - i also have to feed or rock him to sleep every night. and like my mom always says - i actually enjoy it because it won't be like this for long. he will learn to fall asleep on his own and that we will have to be strict will start too soon anyway.
ReplyDeleteSeriously hilarious and charming set of photos!
ReplyDeleteI fought co-sleeping until I couldn't take all the night feedings anymore, and it solved almost all of our issues.
ReplyDeleteNow, I put her to sleep in her crib at her bedtime and she wakes up at my bedtime knowing it's time to snuggle in our bed.
I was keeping it a secret until one day when I admitted it on Facebook - that co-sleeping solved all our sleep problems, but that I was feeling bad about it - like I was breaking the rules.
One lovely mother said to me: "Its terrible that anyone would ever make you feel bad about something so wonderful." So I say drink up all the delicious cuddles you can, and then when you all are ready for something different, you'll talk yourselves through it as a family.
CUTEST SERIES EVER! We co-slept with Olive till she was about 10 months old and the first night I put her in her own cot in her own room she went into it happily without any complaints. Looking at little BB makes me wish Olive was still snuggling into my side at night too! Kellie xx
ReplyDeleteThese photos are great! *s*
ReplyDeleteThose photos are beautiful. I am at a similar point, Harriet sleeps like a dream in bed with us but it's such a can of worms. Oh well, like everything with kids - this too shall pass!
ReplyDeleteso timely. I just came to your site after doing mothering.com forum searches and reassuring myself that this is all okay (i had a fit of envy myself this week over my friends' babies who sleep through the night). Back to thinking we're okay... if a little sleepy.
ReplyDeleteDisco.... Baaahhhaa! I totally agree- there's no teddy's or music or anything in with our sweet girl. Nothing gets in between her and a good time (including sleep, unfortunately).
ReplyDeleteThe pic with her cuddling her Daddy is just lovely xx
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ReplyDeleteI am one of those that have a 4 year old and a 8 month old sleeping 12 hours in their own beds without fuss. Occasionally teething can change this! They have been like this from early months but its what they are use too, same bedtime/routine feels like groundhog day but its what works for us. We do however have the best times when one by one they join us in the morning.
ReplyDeleteI wasn't going to post but I thought everyone else is sharing their story I have no judgment towards those that co-sleep so I can only ask the same response.
I guess BB is only reacting to what she is use to and when you post such sweet bedtime pics its no wonder she doesn't want out :-). I guess if you want to change things then sooner may be better then later esp if more little rummey bears join the pac in the future !
or you can always join queen size bed together..friends have done this ;-)
ReplyDeleteThey both look like they're getting good zzzs. I hope you managed to squeeze in too!
ReplyDeleteloved the pics-amazing. Have to say for yourself & your life as husband & wife - think the cot is the answer - you'll have 3-5 days of hell, but know your babe isn't sick, she just needs to learn that her bed is her cot...said with love x
ReplyDeleteWe co-slept until our little bean was 4 months old, then transitioned to a cot with one side removed, pushed up against the bed. This was gold! And then at about 6 months, we were waking him up and it was obvious that he was trying to sleep through, only feeding once or twice in the night. We made the move to a cot in his own room, but never did any kind of 'training.' I still breastfeed him to sleep, and by 7.5 months he was sleeping 11 hours a night, regularly.
ReplyDeleteAs a young mum fending off post-natal depression, I mostly advocate doing exactly what you think will be best for YOU. A happy mum makes for a happy baby. And if those cuddles from that sweet little bundle are worth it, then savour it!
I hope you don't mind everyone leaving records of their own experiences? Looks like you opened a mega can of worms.
Thank you for relieving my guilt! I have a one month old daughter who I feed into oblivion and wobble around the house with for an hour to get her to sleep. I'm sorry, but putting her into her cot, awake, with no dummy - and expecting her to "self settle" just isn't going to happen.... and nor should it, really. After all, only 4 weeks ago she was contained beneath my very own skin, amongst the fibres of my being! This little girl is having all the feeds, cuddles and co-sleeps she (and I) needs!
ReplyDeleteVery cute photographs, btw :)
Claire x
Three kids, three different sleepers. Latest one is the only one taht still sleep with us and fall asleep almost exclusively on breast. The last one. So I keep it that way until... I don't know.
ReplyDeleteSome days, I feel like putting him in his cot with his brothers because it was a 'hard' night, then I look at his quiet face, his first smile in the morning and I want that moment to last...
Everything changes, that will change at the right moment.
Happy sleeping together.
Should I mention that at the ripe age of two +, they woke us up because of fear of the night... And then came back eventually closer to us. For a moment, until ready to be really independant.
ReplyDeleteThey're still so small after all.
i am a happy non-co-sleeper too!
ReplyDeletehappy mum, happy baby, happy da and brother.
we love our morning snuggles.
everyone is different, i loved reading all the stories.
My 7 week old doesn't co-sleep but instead I have her crib in our room for those middle of the night feedings. I do, admit, bring her into bed with me after my husband gets up :-) We could never co-sleep because he thrashes around too much at night, but I absolutely LOVE these morning cuddles with her. I feel it slipping away so quickly I just want it to last forever!!! Good luck :-)
ReplyDeleteOh! What sweet photos. We really enjoyed cosleeping too. Next time though I think I'll get an Arms Reach Cosleeper so that I can spread out like a starfish too ;-)
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing.
Such a sweet post and gorgeous photos of both of your bed mates! We have an 11 month old daughter and have fought the guilt around sleeping habits for much of that time! We co-slept for a month and then she slept in our room until it just wasn't working (she'd wake up anytime I came close to her and then would want to nurse nearly every hour). Still, I nursed her to sleep for every nap and bedtime, but now she's outgrowing that, too. They change so much so quickly, that habits seem to come and go just as soon as you are sure they are in place for good. You have to do what's right for you and your entire family - I'll keep telling myself that, too. Anyway, thanks being candid on your blog. I love it!
ReplyDeleteOH! how lovely, if it can be lovely! to be united with so many of you in this problem. I too bounced my baby boy to sleep every night, every daytime sleep on a pilates ball, even if it took 3 hours. my back gave in, and if i am very honest the frustration of tentatively stopping only to have him buck and wail in my arms was getting too much.
ReplyDeletei read books, cried rivers, felt i'd failed miserably, thought i was too far gone to fix it...
to cut a long story short, he now goes into his cot at 7pm with no resistance and drifts off to sleep with a crocheted monkey in his hands..
he surprised me by doing this on his own one night when my back was so bad i could do little else.
he wakes several times in the night and i'd be entirely prepared to co-sleep... if he wanted to.. but his cot is his favoured place. so i feed and place him back and watch him lifting his bum and doing mini press ups and generally practising all his moves to surprise me with the next day before drifting off to sleep.
this is such a short time we have them like this- unless it's completely knackering you and driving you mad.. i can't see one reason for guilt or worry or doubt. it will be a few short years until our babies are teens- and if they are anything like me, will sleep endlessly through the bulk of their teenage years, and most likely won't want cuddled whilst doing it!
such sweet photos! if my 24 month old didn't insist on sleeping on top of me or perpendicular, i would probably enjoy co-sleeping more. i've been telling myself a) it's just a phase, b) there will always be setbacks and improvements, and c) they're only small for a short while.
ReplyDeletei love the morning cuddles, but i don't love feeling like i'm suffocating. still hoping he'll grow out of it and start sleeping more than 2 hours at a time (!!!).
enjoy your starfish sleeper. i stopped listening to anyone who says anything about sleep. it's all so individual, and you do what works.
Oooh, gorgeous pics! I love it.
ReplyDeleteI'm interested in co-sleeping and just have one question about the logistics of it... what do you do at bedtime to get her to sleep? Does she fall asleep on/with you there and then you leave her on the bed once she's asleep? Or can you leave her there to fall asleep herself and she stays safely up on the bed?
Thanks for sharing this lovely post.
Sarah
x
you know, i've come to the conclusion that when it comes to sleep (or no sleep) it's whatever works for you.
ReplyDeletewe don't co-sleep because i can't sleep well with Lily's foot against my face.
Thanks so much for this post. With all those people saying that you should sleep train your baby, have him sleep in his own room and let him cry at night, it's hard not to doubt yourself when you go against it.
ReplyDeletePB wasn't happy about the photos in his boxers or did something happen to your other photos? I could've sworn there were more here when I came on the other day...xx
ReplyDeletePs Yup, do whatever works for you and the fam I say x
hi anna. i loved this post and felt compelled to pass on a 'hello'.
ReplyDelete(even though i've been a reader for some time)
all the comments about ignoring the experts/books/instincts are 100 percent right! even though my bub is now 10 (eeek) he wasn't always a good sleeper and the ONLY thing that got us through was co-sleeping (and we tried everything)
eventually, out of the blue, he demanded his own bed (and came back for cuddles those times when he just needed to, was unwell or scared etc). Even now, when he's not feeling great, the best medicine is to snooze in bed and have cuddles with mamma.
so fear not you're all doing great - BB's beautiful smiles are testament to that.
My daughter will be three in June and she still sleeps with us. Everything comes in good time- I love it and the day will come when she wants to sleep in her bed. Her room has 2 beds, the crib she never used and a single on the floor with colorful sheets and comforter! The day will come but for now, the cuddling is great. My husband stressed about potty training and that came in the past few weeks, damn, the time passes, as will my nights of cuddling with my young one.
ReplyDeleteI hate those stupid e-mails but on the other hand I would love to get a weekly newsletter from you, you seem way smarter than those people.
ReplyDeleteI hated the whole sleep issue with Enzo. Now that I have two kids i just let it go. Baby Maria will totally just go to sleep on her own. We seriously put her in her crib and she rolls over and falls asleep. But, the only absolute time she will cuddle or be still in your arms without trying to scratch your face is at night when she's tired. So as a result I've started rocking her until she falls asleep. This is purely for my sake not for hers. I just need to connect with her a little when she's calm and it's the only way I've figured out how to do it. I like to think of it as her spoiling me instead of me spoiling her.
ok one more things...
ReplyDeletewith that said I have to admit that I HATE it when my almost 5 year old climbs in bed with us because I can not sleep. he is incapable of sleepingvertically. We call it the H position. Chris and I sleep vertically and Enzo gets in the middle and moves his boddy until he's horizontal kicking one of us right in our rib cage.
oh. my. goodness. those pictures are to die for adorable! i cant help but love when people put stuff like this out in the world! my son is almost nineteen months old and i came to a point like you where everyone around me was saying how he should be in his own bed sleeping thru the night but i remember reading in the no cry sleep solution book how the author at the very beginning talked about making sure this is something you really have an issue about. or is it something everyone is pressuring you to do. and so i always think back to that and ask myself if its really MY problem, or someone elses. we have corbin's crib side-carred to our bed so we still have all our sleeping space and so does he! but he's still RIGHT THERE when he wakes up every morning and thats my favorite part of every day!
ReplyDeleteBe freed from this burden? I don't even have a child and I find that offensive! If those very sweet pictures are your burden, then burden on sister!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful photos! You will treasure these when she's all grown up and moving out! Nice to find you. :)
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ReplyDeleteSo sweet! Where did you buy that lovely bedding?
ReplyDeleteYay a kindred soul! I just chanced upon this blog entry.. Thank you! You sum up my sentiments exactly, as a happy Family Bedder! Following your blog.. now..
ReplyDeleteI have to concur, I have a 13 month old and no matter how many times as I read these "sleep solutions" I end up with my little boy snuggled up ... head in my neck, bum in dad's face (or vice versa) every night ... and the truth is, I wouldn't have it any other way.
ReplyDeleteThis is really off topic but could you possibly tell me where you got your duvet cover from? I really LOVE IT!
ReplyDelete